After the Termination of a Pregnancy
Through prayer and ritual during the month after the termination, the parents work through lingering feelings of guilt and sorrow.
The first part of this article details a ritual for the termination of a pregnancy, while this article describes additional rituals that extend through the month following the termination. The timing of these rituals echoes the first 30 days of mourning following the death of a close relative. Reprinted by permission of the author from Taking Up the Timbrel: The Challenge of Creating Ritual for Jewish Women Today (SCM Press).
A Candle Is Lit Each Evening for Seven Days After the Termination and Verses Are Recited
"For you will light my candle, the Eternal my God will lighten my darkness."
"Go in peace, and God be with you."
"Be of good courage and let your heart be strong, all you who hope in the Lord."
On the evening of the seventh day, there should be a meal with close family and friends, after which the mother could pray the traditional prayer of the person who has recovered from illness [bentshing gomel].
Or: "I thank You, Lord my God and God of my ancestors, God of the spirits of all flesh. You were with me in the time of my affliction, and You helped me.
In time of trouble You showed me the path of life, and the fullness of joy.
You showed me the sweetness which is at your right hand forever."
Barukh attah Adonai, eloheinu melekh ha-olam, ha-gomel l'hayyavim tovot, she-g'malani kol tov.
Blessed are you Lord our God, sovereign of the universe, who shows favor to the undeserving, and has shown me great favor.
"Mi she-g'malakh kol tov, hu yig'm'leikh kol tov.
May God who has shown favor to you, continue to favor you with all that is good."
The following paragraph from the Amidah [central "standing" prayer said at all Jewish prayer services] may be recited:
"Heal us and we shall be healed; save us and we shall be saved, for it is You we praise. Send relief and healing for all our illnesses, our sufferings and our wounds. For you are a merciful and faithful healer."
Barukh attah Adonai rofei ha-cholim.
Blessed are You God, who heals the sick.
A Prayer to be Said 30 Days After the Termination
O Eternal my God, I cried to you and you have healed me.
You have brought my soul from Sheol;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
Give thanks to God's holy name, for his anger lasts but a moment;
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
My child, my pursuer, is no more.
You, who see the unformed substance, who knows each person made in secret,
Hide him under the shadow of your wings.
Be gracious to us both.
I cannot bring him back.
One day I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.
I have been into the wilderness alone, too distraught to eat or drink,
Not able to notice the life-giving sources around me.
I have made my journey, have touched Sheol,
Been buffeted by the strong winds of my emotions, and the earthquakes of my soul,
And now I know the voice of slender silence asks me, "What am I doing here now?"
David arose and comforted Bathsheba.
I now comfort others and am comforted by them.
And I ask you, in the words of the psalmist:
Let me be "like a tree planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season;
Its leaf also shall not wither; and whatever it does shall prosper." (Quotations are from Psalms 30 and 1:3.)
God, the soul you gave to my child was pure, for You created it,
You formed it, and breathed it into the body.
You care for the soul forever, taking it to everlasting life.
The Next Rosh Chodesh
On the Rosh Chodesh [first day of the new month] following the 30-day marker, it is recommended that the mother immerse herself in the mikveh [ritual pool], and recite Psalm 51.
Be kind to me, God, in Your mercy, in Your great compassion blot out my misdeeds.
Wash me free from my guilt and cleanse me from my sin.
For my misdeeds I know too well, and my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done what is evil in Your sight.
Therefore You are just in Your sentence, and right in your judgment
But even though I was born to err, and my mother conceived me in sin;
The truth is still what You desire within me,
And in my inmost heart You show me wisdom.
Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean,
Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness, so that the bones You crushed dance again.
Turn Your gaze away from my sins, and blot out all my guilt.
Create a pure heart for me, God, and put a firm and steadfast spirit in me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence, nor take Your holy spirit from me.
Give me back the joy of Your salvation and let a willing spirit uphold me.
Then I will teach transgressors the way, so that sinners may return to You.
Keep me from bloodshed, God, You are the God who saves me.
My tongue shall ring out Your justice,
God, open my lips and my mouth shall declare Your praise.
For You desire no sacrifice, or I would give it,
burned offerings you do not want.
God's sacrifices are a humbled spirit;
a broken and contrite heart you will not despise.
Into Your hand, God, I commend the spirit of my child.
The Eternal One is with me, I shall not fear.
B'yad'kha nafkid ruhat b'ni, Adonai li, lo ira.
Sylvia Rothschild is rabbi of Bromley and District Reform Synagogue in southeast London. She is also chair of the Rabbinical Assembly of the Reform Synagogues of Great Britain and lay member of her local ethics committee.
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