“‘It’s the thought that counts’ is not a Jewish concept. What you do matters more than what you just think about doing.”
My mother said this at least a thousand times to my brothers and sister and me. And it truly stuck, because as I sit here pondering today’s #BlogElul writing prompt—DO—her words are playing on a loop in my mind.
“‘It’s the thought that counts’ is not a Jewish concept. What you do matters more than what you just think about doing.”
My mother would often follow this admonition with an acknowledgment—a warning, even!—that it’s often easier to think about something than do it. To think about visiting someone in the hospital, to think about showing up for the highway cleaning event, to think about attending a funeral. But that’s too easy, and not effective enough.
While people might say, shrugging and smiling and forgiving, “Hey, it’s the thought that counts,” the question is … counts for what?
To use one of the examples my mother might have drawn on in my youth: If your friend mentions she’s thirsty and you think about getting her a glass of water, but you don’t give her any water, why should that count? Pouring her a glass of water and addressing her thirst is what will actually make a difference. Doing counts.
This is what my mother would remind us, as she drove us to the senior citizens’ center to read and sing and spend time with residents there. It is what she would repeat as we went to life cycle events, happy and sad alike. It was her mantra when we volunteered at the soup kitchen as a family, when we visited a cranky relative, when we sent thank you notes for every present ever received.
And as an adult, it’s why I push myself to “do” as much as I can. I saw, time after time, how much it mattered to be there rather than to “keep so-and-so in our thoughts.” When we have the ability to actively do, we also have the responsibility.
We see this reflected throughout Jewish culture and tradition. The Hebrew word mitzvah, which we use to connote good deed, literally means an obligation. We are prescribed to celebrate with bride and groom, to visit the sick—to do, to do, to do.
To actively do applies on scales both big and small. When we see an injustice, it’s not enough to notice it. We have to address it. When someone is hurting, it’s not enough to sympathize or empathize with them—we need to find out what they might need, and then whether it’s a hug or a primal scream or to be left alone or whatever, we need to do our best to actively do that.
The balance, of course, comes in the value inherent in thinking. In Jewish tradition, and in life. After all, action without thought, reckless knee-jerk responses without reflection, can be fruitless and even dangerous. I’m a pretty reflective person, and with every fiber of my being, I still want to emphasize thinking. When something challenging is on the news, I still want to ask myself what I really know, and push myself to think and listen and research before settling on what action I will ultimately take. As a first question, I want to ask others “What do you think about this?” and listen to their responses.
But I need to challenge myself, and challenge others, by posing a slightly more difficult second question… not just “What do you think about this?”, but also “What are we doing about this?”
Sometimes, of course, there is nothing we can do. Or we don’t have the ability to take action. But when we can do, we should do—and despite what Yoda might have to say about it, sometimes we can at least try, and perhaps the attempt will count for something, too.
It’s not always going to be easy, but hey. Who said it would be easy? Especially when it comes to Jewish stuff? “It’s the thought that counts” is not a Jewish concept. Taking action, and doing the right thing even when it’s hard… that’s a Jewish concept cultivated right down to my core.
Thanks, Mom.
This post was written as part of the #BlogElul project. Today is the first day of Elul, traditionally a time of reflection before the High Holidays. We welcome your reflections, too!
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