Following shiva, the primary [seven-day] mourning period, there is a secondary period of mourning called sheloshim, Hebrew for 30, because it lasts for 30 days. Like shiva, one counts from the day of burial, and also like shiva, the last day is not full but ends following Shachrit [morning] services.
Although sheloshim (pronounced shlo-SHEEM, and also spelled shloshim) is a period of mourning, it is far less intense than shiva. The mourners resume normal social and professional duties but are still restricted in certain ways. One does not cut one’s hair during this time, a custom dating back to the Bible of letting one’s hair grow wild when in mourning (Leviticus 10:6); this rule applies to both men and women. In addition, men are not to shave for the duration of sheloshim (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 390:1).
READ: Mayim Bialik on the First 30 Days of Mourning Her Father
Another restriction observed for 30 days is not attending social events or even religious celebrations (Yoreh Deah, 391:1). However, a mourner may attend the ceremony itself, such as a circumcision as long as he does not stay for the festive meal that follows. Wearing new clothes during this period of time is also considered inappropriate.
Help us keep Jewish knowledge accessible to millions of people around the world.
Your donation to My Jewish Learning fuels endless journeys of Jewish discovery. With your help, My Jewish Learning can continue to provide nonstop opportunities for learning, connection and growth.
This 30-day period eases the mourner back into normal routines by allowing the resumption of many but not all of one’s regular patterns of social behavior. At the conclusion of the 30 days, a sheloshim memorial service is often held, at which time various Jewish texts are taught in memory of the deceased.
Unless the bereaved is mourning a parent, the end of sheloshim marks the end of the mourning period. Although many people believe and even behave otherwise, after sheloshim the Mourner’s Kaddish is no longer traditionally recited for a spouse, sibling, or child. All mourning restrictions are lifted.
Excerpted with permission from “Death and Mourning: A Time for Weeping, A Time for Healing,” in Celebration and Renewal: Rites of Passage in Judaism, edited by Rela Mintz Geffen (Jewish Publication Society).
Sign up for a Journey Through Grief & Mourning: Whether you have lost a loved one recently or just want to learn the basics of Jewish mourning rituals, this 8-part email series will guide you through everything you need to know and help you feel supported and comforted at a difficult time.
Looking for a way to say Mourner’s Kaddish in a minyan? My Jewish Learning’s daily online minyan gives mourners and others an opportunity to say Kaddish in community and learn from leading rabbis.
Kaddish
Pronounced: KAH-dish, Origin: Hebrew, usually referring to the Mourner’s Kaddish, the Jewish prayer recited in memory of the dead.
Help us keep Jewish knowledge accessible to millions of people around the world.
Your donation to My Jewish Learning fuels endless journeys of Jewish discovery. With your help, My Jewish Learning can continue to provide nonstop opportunities for learning, connection and growth.
