If you read a lot of sports columns, you most probably read Bill Simmons. The most popular writer on ESPN, Bill Simmons is known for his unabashed love of Boston sports, hatred of the Yankees and Kobe Bryant, and his pop culture references.
But what I love most about the guy are his podcasts. In an all too corporate sports company, Simmons doesn’t seem to care about his bosses. This is especially seen in his repeated criticism of ESPN on most of his podcasts.
This past Friday’s podcast was more of the same. With ESPN’s fantasy expert Matthew Berry on, Simmons started to question ESPN.com for not having fantasy leagues for non-sports related competitions.
Since Berry is Jewish, Simmons brought up the idea of having Jewish related fantasy leagues. The two main ideas brought up were hottest Jews and the “Michael Douglas All-Stars” (Jews who you didn’t know were Jews).
It’s all pretty funny stuff, that you can listen to here. It is Part II of the podcast and starts at about the 29 minute mark (feel free to skip to that point if you don’t know anything about the NBA).
But before you do, let me clear up a few points that were questionable in their podcast. First, all Jewish boys know that Natalie Portman is Jewish. You’re not allowed to have your bar mitzvah without passing that test.
Second, Jordan Farmar’s father is not Jewish. However, he was raised Jewish. I think I’ve covered that topic here about 40 times.
Third, and this is similar to the first point of clarification, but who doesn’t know that Kirk and Michael Douglas are Jewish? I propose that the “Michael Douglas All-Stars” be changed to the “Rashida Jones All-Stars” immediately. My next post will be my team. You can bet on that.
bar mitzvah
Pronounced: bar MITZ-vuh, also bar meetz-VAH, Origin: Hebrew, Jewish rite of passage for a 13-year-old boy.
mitzvah
Pronounced: MITZ-vuh or meetz-VAH, Origin: Hebrew, commandment, also used to mean good deed.
