Famous Jews You Went to Hebrew School With

In her last posts, Melissa Broder shared the B-Sides of her forthcoming When You Say One Thing But Mean Your Mother (Feb. 6) and conducted a “Jewish vs. Goyish litmus test” for the year in review. She is guest-blogging all week for MyJewishLearning and the Jewish Book Council.

Jon Stewart
got you stoned behind the bimah.
Joe Lieberman
wouldn’t stop talking about Schindler’s List.

Kenny G.

grew misty during Oseh Shalom.

Ad-Rock

felt you up at Mike D’s parents’ house.
Gloria Steinem
took offense to the book of Genesis.

Slash

burned down the sukkah.
Rahm Emanuel
wouldn’t stop talking about Birthright.
Gene Simmons
was “very active” in youth group.
Bette Midler
aced her Torah portion.
Courtney Love
was the mean girl.
Natalie Portman
was her minyan.
Jonathon Safran Foer
wouldn’t stop talking about Elie Wiesel’s Night.
Gertrude Stein
had a “thing” for Queen Vashti.
Paula Abdul
sniffed gluesticks.
Amy Winehouse
took the teen tour by storm.
Alicia Silverstone
didn’t eat the kreplach.
Mark Chagall
wouldn’t stop talking about Mark Chagall.
Bob Dylan
ignored you.

Melissa Broder is the author of When You Say One Thing But Mean Your Mother. She is the curator of the Polestar Poetry Series and the Chief Editor of La Petite Zine. She is the winner of the Jerome Lowell Dejur Award and the Stark Prize for Poetry. Broder received her BA from Tufts University and is currently in the MFA program at the CCNY. By day, she works as a literary publicist. Her poems have appeared in many journals, including: Opium, Shampoo, Conte and The Del Sol Review. She lives in Brooklyn. Visit her website at http://www.melissabroder.com/. She will be blogging all week for MyJewishLearning and the Jewish Book Council.