Bar Rafaeli is a beautiful, beautiful woman. She so beautiful that she was able to bag Leonardo DiCaprio (who my sources tell me is also quite beautiful). There are rumors, which supposedly are untrue, that the two are now engaged.
Whether or not this is true, it has angered a couple of Jews. Baruch Marzel, from an organization called Lehava, has written a letter to my girl Bar urging her to not marry DiCaprio. He says that he has nothing against DiCaprio, except for not being Jewish.
He writes, “Your grandmother and her grandmother did not dream that one of their descendants would one day remove the family’s future generations from the Jewish people.” OH SNAP SON! Hitting your points pretty hard Marzel.
I know what your thinking. You can just write a letter to Bar Rafaeli and she will read it? Why didn’t I know this sooner? I better get on this.
Dear Ms. Rafaeli,
I hear you are getting pretty serious with Leo. Congrats. He seems like a pretty good guy. Never mind the fact that he smokes. Oh, and he’s…actually I can’t think of anything else that is wrong with him. BUT EVERYONE HAS THEIR DEMONS. I will find something else.
I’m just thinking, before you step into such a big commitment, have you really weighed all your options? Sure, the glitz and glamor of Hollywood can be appealing. But have you looked into the world of Jewish culture blogs? We know how to party. Plus, I don’t smoke.
Just think about. That’s all I’m saying.
I’ll see you in my dreams Bar.
