Star-K Marriage

By Jeremy Moses | November 3, 2010

We’ve put on some pretty crazy contests here at MJL in the past (anyone remember Bad Poetry?). However, we have never done anything like this:

Star-K, the kosher certification label, has expanded beyond kashrut, and gotten into the marriage business. As many of you know, many in the religious community are set up through shadchanim, or matchmakers. However, it’s a lot easier to marry off a man than a woman because the older a woman gets, the less “appealing” she is–in terms of child bearing. Therefore, Star-K decided that it would offer $2500 to any matchmaker who sets up a local Baltimore woman for marriage.

Let’s just accept the hilarious fact that a kosher food symbol is expanding beyond food (I have to assume that the wedding party will use Star-K as supervisors). Because the funniest part about all of this are the rules and stipulations involved in this program: Here are just a few:

– The single woman must be at least 22-years and 2-months old at the time the engagement is announced. There is no upper age limit.

– A Baltimore woman is defined as:

1) Her parents must have lived in Baltimore for one year and have purchased a house there, or have rented a dwelling there for two years. If she lives in Baltimore alone, without family, she must have lived in Baltimore for two years (student years do not count).

2) A Baltimorean living in New York or elsewhere, for less than two years, whose parents are presently living in Baltimore, is eligible.

– If the shidduch breaks up, chas v’shalom, before the wedding, Star-K is exempt from paying the gift.

– All disputes, e.g., who is the shadchan, questions regarding eligibility, etc., will be settled by Star-K Rabbinic Administrator, Rabbi Moshe Heinemann, shlita, whose decision will be final.

Awesome. It sounds more like a contest on the back of a cereal box than a marriage. Is no proof of purchase necessary?

(H/T Frum Satire.)