Question: I was wondering if you could recommend a Jewish prayer or a blessing for times when your emotions overwhelm you, when little things throw you out of whack, when the little injustices in life frustrate you beyond reason, but there’s nothing you can do about it? What would you recommend?
Life is full of frustrations, and one of the things the Jewish tradition recommends at such times is calling on the power of patience and compassion. In Exodus 34, God gives Moses a cheat code for divine grace, a few phrases of invocation that have found their way into the heart of our holiday liturgy. In English, it reads as follows: “God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in kindness and truth.” This can be a really great mantra to use in times of stress. Patience and forbearance give us the opportunity to sit with uncomfortable feelings and not run away into distraction or blame.
The Mishnah also makes the curious suggestion to “bless God for the bad as well as the good.” (Berakhot 9:2). When we hear unfortunate tidings, the Mishnah says, we can make a prayer to God as the ultimate judge. One could interpret this as adopting the stance that we do not truly know what is ultimately bad or good, only what we dislike or like.
The Talmud tells us about a sage named Nachum Ish Gamzu, whose name means “the man who says, ‘this too.’” Nachum was a teacher of Rabbi Akiva, and he got his nickname because whatever would happen to him he would always say, gam zu l’tovah: This too is for the good. Even though in later life he became partially paralyzed, he still repeated gam zu l’tovah: This too is for the good.
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It may seem counterintuitive to say that things are for the good when we are confronting real cruelty, disaster and suffering. But maybe it is for the good in that it helps awaken us to changes that need to be made, or even to the recognition of our own compassion. What is intolerable to us is a roadmap showing us the way to the world we actually want to live in. So when you feel overwhelmed, don’t suppress your angst or despair. Allow yourself to feel the intensity of the feelings you feel — and let them show you what is underneath: your longing for fairness, perhaps, or compassion or connection. As you do this more and more, you will get clearer and stronger in knowing your own core values. This too is for the good.
Kohenet Rabbi Sarah Bracha Gershuny is a writer, ritualist, musician, healer and teacher.
