The following Purim songs are written to popular tunes by the band Queen. Reprinted with permission of the author.
Mesopotamian Rhapsody
To the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody"
Chorus: Is this a wive’s tale, or is it history?
Though it’s a satire, it reflects a reality
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Pick up that yad, start right at the top and see.
We are just some poor folk, we need no sympathy,
’cause we’re easy come, easy go.
Riding high, then brought low,
Bavel’s where we’re led to, sitting by the waters
We weep.
Esther: Uncle, my mom and dad
Had a sword held to their heads, could do nothing, now they’re dead.
Uncle, life is just no fun.
But now all that I knew is blown away.
Uncle, oooooooooh, cannot ever tell a lie
I have doubts someone up there remembers
anytime, anywhere – knows what has even happened.
Mordecai: Hadassah, my little one.
this is now your home, you will never be alone.
Hadassah, I have known your pain.
You must not allow your faith to fade away
Hadassah, oooooooh, I will not stand by
We will survive this cold and cruel Diaspora
Esther: I see a little billeto for a dance
Oy gevalt, oy gevalt, should I learn the fandango?
Chorus: Achashverosh needs a queen, totally exciting thing
Manischevitz! Manischevitz! Manischevitz! Manischevitz!
Manischevitz! Chicken Soup, With garlic clo – o – o – oves
Esther: I’m just a frum Jew, will the king love me
Chorus: She’s just a frum Jew, in a frum family
Spare her the shame of this sexist travesty
Esther: Easy come, easy go, I’ll just change my name
Mordecai: Hadassah, no! I will not let you go –
Esther: Let me go!
Mordecai: Hadassah, I will not let you go –
Esther: Let me go!
Mordecai: Hadassah, I will not let you go –
Esther: Let me go!
Mordecai: Not let you go –
Esther: Let me go!
Mordecai: Not let you go –
Esther: Let me go! Oh oh oh oh
Chorus: Oy oy oy oy oy oy oy
Esther: Oh uncle Mordy, uncle Mordy, Uncle Mordy let me go!
Achashverosh may cast a loving eye on me, on me, on me!
Mordecai: So you think an extreme makeover will suffice!
So you think you’re convincing uncle Mordecai!
Oyyy, Esther! That is your new name, Esther!
This better work out, this better work out or veiz meer!
Achashverosh: What a shayna punim, what a maidl fair
My queen will be Esther, my queen will be Esther.
Esther: So there!
We’ve Got Purim Chatchkes
To the tune of "We Will Rock You"
Yidl, you’re a young Jew, jaded Jew
Hanging in the streets, gonna take on the world some day
You got rage in your face, hands at waist
Wonderin’ why you got dragged to this place
We’ve got Purim Chatchkes (2x)
Yidl, you’re in shul, not a big shul,
Sitting in your seats, shall you begin to pray? "No Way!"
You got rage in your face, hands at waste,
Wonderin’ how to slide out of this place
We’ve got Purim Chatchkes (2x)
Parents, got a long haul, tough haul
Figuring a way not to look like a fool this day
You’ve got fear on your face, big disgrace
tell ’em they’re meant to enjoy this place
(’cause) We’ve got Purim Chatchkes (4x)
Crazy Little King’s A Lush (Achashverosh)
To the tune of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
This drink, filled up
I just can’t handle it.
This drink, brings up
My kind of random wit
I’m on a rye kick
This crazy little king’s a lush.
This king’s lost lunch
Get your, minds ’round to it
This king’s lost lunch
Somebody get a few Tylenol tablets
You’ll have to like it
This crazy little king’s a lush
There goes sobriety
It’s overrated anyway
Too much anxiety
180 days of parties
My liver’s gonna turn to shmutz
I’m proud to play fool, get whacked,
Paid for, by Persian tax
Stand up, aim high,
Take a long worship at the porcelain shrine
You’re invited
This crazy little king’s a lush.
She’s A Goner Queen
To the tune of "Killer Queen"
She keeps her Ms. subscription
Current every year to date
Takes self defense classes
Sneaks out of the palace gates
No one’s gonna mess with her
Let alone King Achashver-
-osh. Go ahead and try to scare
her into acquiescing.
Vashti’s never gonna dance
Go ahead and take a chance
Independent and firm
She’s a Killer… queen
Got her sound priorities
Bothers not with vanities
Guaranteed to pave the way
For the gals
Read about it in the scroll
She’s the model for the role
Stole the show!
She’s got a glass ceiling through which
Not a queen has ever passed
This day she refuses
Knowing it may be her last
Harassment should be a crime
Subjected to hormonal slime
It’s obvious that it is time
To take one for the sisters
Achashverosh getting riled
Letting rip his pickled bile
Vashti can give a hoot,
She’s a goner
Queen, Got her sound priorities
Bothers not with vanities
Got her place in history
What a gal!
drop of a hat, she is willing to
fight the system to the death
though temporarily out of action
never is she out of gas
Vashti’s going the extra mile, mile.
People Gotta Fry
To the tune of "Keep Yourself Alive"
Haman:When I journeyed through the kingdom
all the subjects bowed to me
but there is one exception
who would not pay me no heed
I am filled with consternation
At his pious insolence
I just wanna get an edict
To knock into him some sense
There’s one hundred twenty seven
satrapies that call you king
the most formidable force
That this planet’s ever seen
So how could that Mordecai stand up
Ignoring your command
When we have been so gracious
To allow them on this land
Chorus
Those people gotta fry
Those people gotta fry, yeah,
I will not rest until I bloody
That Hebrew Mordecai
Sure, these people are so different
and they practice different ways
they rudely refuse to blend in
and so they gotta pay
if you just hand me your signet ring
I’ll have it all arranged
I’ll defend your royal honor
And give them a world of pain
And now I have the Purim
Safe inside my sweaty palm
I will see what number I can roll
And heed their fateful call
It appears we have a winner
It’s Adar the thirteenth day
That’s when all Jews will be murdered
Now the gods have had their say
Repeat Chorus
White Horsey!
To the tune of "Bicycle Race"
HAMAN: White Horsey! White Horsey! White Horsey!
I want to ride my White Horsey! White Horsey! White Horsey!
I want to ride my white horsey! I want to ride it high
I want to ride my white horsey! I want a holiday all mine!
You say "can’t," I say "sleep"
You say "earn," I say "keep."
You say "thanks," I say "the king
Wants to find a way to honor li’l ol’ Haman"
You say "Who?" I say "me."
You say "where?" I say "street"
You say "what" I say "E-mail
All the subjects of the land, book the finest metal band
Crown me while I’m on my
White Horsey! White Horsey! White Horsey!
I want to ride my White Horsey! White Horsey! White Horsey!
I want to ride my white horsey! I want to ride it high
I want to ride my white horsey! I want a holi-
Achashverosh: Dazed am I at your ingenious idea, you will
Plan this extravaganza.
All will say "thus shall we honor a man whom the king
Delights in – Mordecai!!"
Haman: Oy gevalt. I’m sick! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!
Mordecai I hate! Mordecai I hate, Mordecai I hate!
White Horsey! White Horsey! White Horsey!
I want to ride my White Horsey! White Horsey!
I want my white horsey now!!!
Another Mission By the Just
To the tune of "Another One Bites the Dust"
Queen walks warily to the king
With her veil pulled way down low
Ain’t no sound but the sound of her pumps
And her heart ready to blow
Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this
Are you hanging at the edge of your pews
In through the doorway Queen Esther slips
Pleading her case for the Jews
Another Mission by the Just
Another mission by the just
And a mother of one
And a mother of one
Another mission by the just
Say – your prayers for us Jews
Another mission by the just
How do you think she’s gonna get that king
To hold his scepter out?
She told the Jews to fast for three days
And pray they’ll avoid a rout
Bitter Haman won’t be satisfied
Till he gets his ton of flesh
Out through the doorway Queen Esther slips
To get her people out of this mess
Repeat chorus
There are plenty of ways you can get Haman
To put his head in his own noose
You can trick him, you can stick him, you can pick him for
A party for 3 to hang loose
She is ready, she is ready to lose
Her very life to save her clan
In through the doorway Queen Esther slips
To foil Haman’s evil plan
Repeat chorus
You’re So Busted
To the tune of "You’re My Best Friend"
Esther: You’ve not long to live
Did you ever think you’d pull off this gig?
You’ve not long to live
Ooh, you make me livid, Haman.
You’ve not long to live
Ooh, you’re so busted
The king’s on his way
So he can see to your downfall
what a slimeball
And I want you to know you’ll be hanged real soon
I really loathe you, oh
you’re so busted!
You’ve not long to live
Oh, I’ve played a gentile
But I tell you I’m a Jew
Come rain or shine
I look out for my kind
I’m Hebrew to the core
you’re so busted!
Ooh your life you’ll give
Your sinister plan we’ll not forgive
Ooh your life you’ll give
Ooh your life you’ll give now, Haman!
You’ve not long to live
Yeah, you’re so busted
The king will be mad
When he learns you almost killed me.
It will thrill me
When all of the Jews see your head in a noose
We really loathe you, ohhh,
you’re so busted.
We Are the Conscience
To the tune of "We Are the Champions"
I’ve paid my dues, time after time.
I’ve been cast in exile, have I committed a crime?
Yes, past mistakes, I’ve made a few,
Seen sacred land torn up by their jackboots
But I’ve come through!
We are the conscience, chevrah.
And we’ll keep on striving ‘spite it all
We are the conscience, we are the conscience.
No time to lose hope, ’cause we are the conscience
Of the world.
I’ve gotten a gift, wrapped in a scroll,
You gave me a covenant and everything that goes with it.
I thank You, Lord.
But it’s been no magic carpet, far have I moved.
Though I’ve seen Your altar and Temple in flames,
I’ll never be through (gonna keep on hoping, hoping, hoping, cause)
(2x)We are the conscience, chevrah.
And we’ll keep on striving ‘spite it all
We are the conscience, we are the conscience.
No time to lose hope, ’cause we are the conscience
Of the world.
Adar
Pronounced: uh-DAHR, Origin: Hebrew, Jewish month usually coinciding with February-March.
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frum
Pronounced: FROOM (oo as in hook), Origin: Yiddish, devout or pious, generally used to identify someone as Orthodox, or strictly observant of Jewish law.
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Purim
Pronounced: PUR-im, the Feast of Lots, Origin: Hebrew, a joyous holiday that recounts the saving of the Jews from a threatened massacre during the Persian period.
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